My Strongest Fear
by HerMindIsElseWhere
Summary: I can only allow Fred to know. I scream in the presence of no one else. Georges's POV. Don't read if you haven't read Deathly Hallows. T for intense emotion, nothing else.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters :( This fact saddens me greatly.

I scream.

But this is not an ordinary scream, not one that lasts for a while and then turns off. The screaming never really stops for me. Whether it's in my head to torment me or out into the world that he no longer inhabits, it's always there, waiting to show itself. I know my screams hurt everyone around me, but they won't stop and it's painful to know I don't care enough to try to make them. They just float around in my head, looking for a way out. I don't mind them though; they are more faithful companions than even the most reliable, for they will never leave me. And neither will their cause.

His eyes follow me. They won't leave me for a moment. But they aren't the eyes I love, the eyes I grew up with: the eyes of a living person. They could never bring my joy like their owner used to. No, they are the empty, depthless remnants that I could lose myself in, never to return to this world of the living if I looked long enough, sank deep enough. But I can't allow that, for his sake, so I look away from one pair only to be confronted by the next.

I saw them, full of him and his life, right before he was killed. I looked into those eyes, not knowing it would only be once more, and watched the spirit take flight and escape from the earthly bonds. Only a small flicker, a swift breeze that came and went, and then they were cold. They didn't even close. Those are the eyes that haunt me.

Another scream escapes through the holes in my mind I've let open with my nostalgia. It's breathless, with the agony of being left here as only half of myself, and filled with terror. Terror at what lies ahead when I can't even take one step forward. Can't move on. Every attempt I make is stopped dead in its tracks by the fear of being lost when I let go. I wish I could depart as easily as he did.

I can't release the next scream that builds up, trying to break through my mind with its force. Dawn is coming, driving away the beauty of darkness. I'm in too much danger of showing anyone else what I feel. I can only allow Fred to know. I scream in the presence of no one else.

Instead of cries of the warning that died on my lips as he was swept away, or the cries of pain I uttered later, this time, shivers shake my mind, dislodging memories I've packed away. But not too carefully, never too carefully. For what should happen if I pack them away too tightly, so that they can never again resurface and bring sounds of anguish to my lips?

The others, they try not to feel anymore. But at what price to those that need to be felt? I will not allow Fred's need to be denied or his spirit thrown away, so I open the memories, each one like a precious letter from the best of friends. His glowing face when we succeeded in inventing something spectacular. His commiserating smile when we were stuck in detention when we could be free. The way we were more than brothers, more than even the inseparable twins everyone thought of us as. He never let me stay down. What would he say to cheer me now? Does he still know me, still love me, wherever he is? Does he still feel?

It's too much. The walls holding back my grief crash in on me once again, just as the pattern goes. I know what comes next, what has been happening since that first night when everyone left. The dawn once again reflects off my tears and brings more trembling than night ever could. Another day to come that I must face without my backup and my leader, my constant companion. But every moment I spend closed off from the rest of the world, wrapped up with my memories, is worth the hurt afterward.

My strongest fear is that he will be forgotten. My driving purpose is that it will never happen.

Author's Note: In case you couldn't tell, this is from George's point of view, reflecting on Fred's death. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to lose your best friend and brother, but I tried to capture it as best I could. Please review! I will love you forever! :]


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